Skirv's Social Life

Over the years, my social life has gone through many, many stages - so many that the time has come to try to summarize them just so I can have a meaningful understanding for myself.

Pre-Sentience

Really, there's not much to say about what I was like before I was sentient (which was probably the middle of high school or so). I had friends off and on, but was fairly shy and odd. I never really worried about it much, though (not entirely true, but that's how it worked out). Things changed my senior year, and not really before. For more details, see here.

College

Learning the Ropes

Through most of college, I lived in Allen Hall. At first I was quiet, making a few friends (Jesse and Chris come to mind) but mostly minding my own business. But early on I had signed on with Like Disco, but not Really, an improv troupe that changed my social life forever. I meant to just be crew; I eventually decided that I was enjoying myself and became a full-fledged member, and quite a flamboyant one at that (if not all that good at first). Through the troupe I met some people, which was nice, but what really made the difference was that I was *out and about*. People began to recognize and come up to me. This was an effective way around what was left of my shyness...

Sophomore year was the beginning of my life as a truly social animal. Now one of of the LDBNR elders, I felt confident to go out and meet new people on my own. This paid off as I got myself involved in the Eva Gang, a group of nerds and geeks that was gathering steam in Allen that year. Here I made the first of my truly strong, lifetime friends - Caitte, Eva, Sean, Sarah, Jenny, Belle, Rachel, Valerie, James, others - and gained the confidence to meet even *more* people.

Gathering Steam

I didn't notice what I was doing at first. Mid-sophomore year, I was still convinced that I was a socially awkward kid, albeit one that was reasonably good at concealing his handicap when necessary through sheer force of will. But most others knew otherwise. It came to a head one day when Sarah called me a social butterfly - a term that I had heard before, mostly in reference to Danny, but which I had never even *considered* applying to myself. I was actually upset that she said it, and demanded that she take it back - but, given that she's at least a strong-willed as I am (a trait that I've always liked), she had none of it. And over the next few weeks, months, and years I considered it...

By my second semester of sophomore year I had truly fallen in with the allen19 crowd (more than I had been; I had known most of these people since freshman year). I was a follower at the time, but even as a follower you had great power in this group. More of my great friends were made this semester (especially Ray and Jacob). Between this and the near-collapse of LDBNR, I began to, horror of horror, *organize* things. And what I learned from this was that I liked doing it, and that I was reasonable at it too. More and more friends kept gathering, and I started taking care of more and more things in the Eva Gang and LDBNR...

My first real organized social event was during this time - I set up a trip to go see Star Wars: A New Hope when it came out again. I bought tickets for 20 people, and brought 21 (including myself). I still managed to get everyone in, though I worried a lot... But it was still fun to do, and I've done it dozens of times since. It's one of the things I'm still good at...

(More friends from this period: Dan, DB + Rache, Justin, Bryan.)

Cult of Personality

At the beginning of Junior year I was co-director of LDBNR, floor president of Ground South in Allen Hall Council, and living in allen19. The Eva Gang had lost many of its members to apartment-land, but far from all, and I was still organizing things regularly. And, perhaps most importantly, I had completely given up my shyness and still wanted more friends. So I went about getting them.

My first act was to socialize with as many freshmen as I could get my hands on. This began with one of my lifetime's greatest acts - befriending Mel - and I kept going from there. I began organizing Ground South into something I could take care of and be proud of; for a time, I was described as the Godfather of Ground South, since I took care of everyone there and they supported me for it. I can't say that LDBNR thrived, but it certainly survived, and we had a wonderful batch of freshmen that year; I like to attribute that to my recruiting. I began putting on <FISH>< House, which to this day I am proud of, because nobody was throwing the standard coffee-house events. Politically, I quickly developed a reputation as a devoted wildcard. In general, I developed one of an arrogant prick that was somehow taking over people's minds.

I loved absolutely every minute of it.

This isn't to say that I knew what I was doing. Certainly, in the realm of relationships, I was still incompetent; but after messing things up with Rosie, I got together with Jenny, and began to work some things out. Politically, I never realized how many enemies I was making until I was turned down for a Program Advisor position. And the whole thing began to hurt my grades and job... But I ignored all of these things, because I was having the time of my life.

It was around now that I finally started socializing in real life with the various computer people I'd been interacting with on Usenet for years. These people, who lived at the h0l, rapidly became friends as well, mostly through Dave. This gave me a base outside of the dorm, which became especially useful online and gave me a place to live for a couple of summers.

By my senior year, things had become truly insane. I was now one of the VPs of Hall Council, sole director of Disco, and leader of Ground South in all but name. Instead of making friends, I got followers (some of which, such as Kerry, later went onto become friends as well). I was running 2-3 programs a week, using all of my resources to do so. I was probably the most actively social person in my dorm... Again, I loved it. But it was beyond what I could sustain, especially because my enemies had become more overt.

Major friends from this period: Erik, Rene, Darren, Erin and Erin, Chris, Randy, Smoot, Bill, Ben, Pat, Nate, dbt, Tunji, Duck, Helen.

Collapse and Rebuild

By the end of my senior year, I began to realize that there was nobody I could find that would be able to take over what I had created. This sent me spiralling down into depression, and began me fighting with my friends and generally making things worse. You could tell things were going poorly when I handed over Disco to Darren the second semester of senior year - something I didn't want to do, but I didn't feel like I had a choice. But I didn't go without a fight. My final Allen program, a barbeque, was the greatest of all the programs I ever threw, with nearly 300 people showing up and there being no mistakes I was unable to handle with the help of my legions of friends. I was even thanked, for the first time, by an outsider...

This was in marked contrast to how my floor was handling things, with Andrea doing her level best to destroy me and mine just because they were around me. Amusingly, I won; she didn't defeat me, at least not directly. She did chase Mel out of the dorm because she was connected to me, though.

Leaving Allen was one of the toughest moments of my life.

Things changed the next semester. I still hung out at Allen quite a bit, and I still had my followers (Dave A. comes to mind). But I was no longer in the middle of everything; I held a strong position in the periphery, but that was it. But I learned to deal with it, in part because James and Caitte brought people to our place to play. From here I met Laura and Julia, and through them many others - Sarah, Kevin, Missy, Laura, Pedro, and Ann O. And so life remained interesting, as I learned to cope with life where I wasn't in charge...

Post-College

A Real Relationship

Immediately after college, little changed - I was still hanging out with the same people, and doing essentially the same things as I had been the semester before (that is, not as much as I'd like, but adequate). I got a job as a sysadmin on campus and had to start waking up in the morning as a result, which affected what I could do at night, but otherwise things were just the same at first. I wasn't really in charge of things anymore, but that was really the only difference.

This changed when I started dating Julia. Julia was already essentially in charge of her own social group; I had the choice of either co-opting it, or leave it to Julia to take care of things. I intelligently chose the latter choice. Over the next year and some, I was a much more passive person - others set up events and I attended and threw in my help, rather than me trying to set things up all the time. I also spent a lot more time with just Julia, which was a major change all its own. But it worked - I was doing things again, I had close friends, and things were good. I still stayed in touch with those that were in town (the NewQuad especially), but I didn't have to focus on them; they went out of their way to include me instead, and Julia was willing to return the favor.

I really didn't make any new, lasting friends during this time. I grew closer to many of them - Sarah, Kevin, and Laura especially - and I met some people that would eventually be friends - especially Vered - but the social group was not mine to control, as would soon become clear...

Breakup and Rebuilding

This, of course, didn't last forever. Once Julia broke up with me, my social life was thrown into a disarray. While few friends were outright lost, many were misplaced, or at least kept out of my reach. I instead fled back to those that I still had in town, especially Darren and the New Quad. These people quickly stood by and defended me. I owe them all a great debt, to be honest... and because I knew it, I started acting like I knew I should act.

The first order of business was to get back in contact with my older friends. I began calling many of my friends on a semi-regular basis - Caitte, Eva, Valerie, etc - as soon as I got myself a good cellphone plan. Others I started contacting through email more regularly. I started going out and meeting people again, usually through Darren and Rebecca. And I spent as much time as I could with Ray, Mel, Jacob, and Jesse, who I rapidly realized would never, ever abandon me.

The past six months or so have seen me returning to a more stable position. Since Julia left town, I took over organizing what's left of the place. I've again felt like this place is mine - except this time I have a bit less immature megalomania to go with it. I organize events, often with Darren, and I go to organized events. I keep within my limits. And I feel like I can sustain this...which may be the most important thing of all.

Major new close friends from this time: Rebecca, Vered, Stuart, Klara. And I'm closer with Charlotte and Emily now than I'd really expect to be...

Current

If there's one thing that sticks out in my mind from the last few months of social life, it's that Sarah (the same one that called me a social butterfly so long ago) recently told me about how I was unique because, while everyone else sends out mass emails and such to keep each other informed about their lives, I still keep in contact with each and every person individually. In doing so, I keep the gossip chains flowing... and because of this, our groups will endure. She said this with a large touch of respect and no small amount of thanks.

I'm more than a bit proud of this. And I'm willing to modify my behaviour to make it actually true, too. So I'm getting back into contact with more and more people...

Regular Events:

Social groups: